This week's blog is written by two beautiful souls–Aurora Sullivan and Kelsey Scott, two experienced birth and postpartum doulas blessing Orange County and San Diego with their services. Here's their take on how to choose the right doula!

How to Choose the Right Doula For Your Family: Heart, Advocacy, and Connection

On one of the most pivotal and transformative journeys of your life—the birth of your precious child and the days that follow—you deserve support that extends beyond medical guidance and that feels far more personal than just a hired hand. You are fully worthy of support by someone whose genuine presence instills safety, protection and confidence and who feels like a lifelong friend. This someone is your doula.

Choosing the right birth or postpartum doula for your family can feel daunting amidst your growing pregnancy checklist, but we’re here to simplify the process and instill joy into it! With over a decade of experience as birth and postpartum doulas, during which time we’ve consulted with hundreds of families in your shoes, we’ve put together step-by-step guidance that will lead you to the perfect doula to support your unique birth and postpartum experience.

As you begin your doula search, consider these five essential aspects when selecting the right doula for your family:

1. It Goes Beyond the Certification 

It's a common misconception that a specific certification or even a lengthy list of attended births makes a better doula. Supplementary healthcare benefits are increasingly focused on reimbursing services provided by doulas with certain certifications, many of which are from organizations with antiquated training that restricts the doula's practices. This approach not only discriminates but also excludes many talented and qualified doulas who don't conform to these narrow standards. Of course, experience plays a role in how your doula will support you, but it goes beyond just that.

What truly matters in your doula’s presence is how she makes you and your partner feel at a deeper level. Think about this: you wouldn't choose a friend based on their number of friends or social events attended. You'd choose them for how they make you feel—how they listen, support and hold space for you without judgment. Your doula should be no different. Birth is intimate, raw and real. You need someone by your side who is fully present, grounded and committed to you—someone ready and excited to jump out of bed for you at 11 pm soon after they've fallen asleep. A certain training or certification won’t distinguish this commitment to their practice.

2. Your Birth Advocate and Protector

Beyond finding a doula whose presence makes you feel seen, a doula plays a crucial role as your advocate and birth protector. Birth is a profoundly sacred experience, and the energy in the birthing room is pivotal. Your doula isn’t just there to hip squeeze and massage your back (although these are really nice, too)—she’s there to safeguard the energy and intention of your birth space. This is especially true in a hospital setting, where routines and protocols often overshadow individualized patient care. Having someone who knows your desires and is determined to vocally advocate for them when you’re in your most vulnerable state is essential. This, too, allows your partner to fully embrace this special day without being on guard or apprehensive about the birthing process.

Your doula brings knowledge and confidence into the room, grounded in a profound reverence for birth. She should respect birth by letting your movements, noises and energy happen naturally while at the same time possessing a strong understanding of optimal laboring positions that will more easefully progress labor. She isn’t afraid to offer you gentle guidance when necessary, and she confidently facilitates conversations with providers, ensuring they honor all of your preferences. From advocating for limited cervical exams to a calming environment in the room, it allows you and your partner the ability to intimately go inward and surrender to the primal process.

A doula’s presence can transform the birthing dynamic entirely, infusing the space with peace and respect for the birth process. She creates a protective cocoon around you (and your baby once they’re born), shielding your energy from unnecessary stress or interruptions. In doing so, she becomes more than just a comforting presence—she becomes the guardian of your birth experience. 

3. It’s All About Energy

No two births or postpartum experiences are identical, and the same goes for doulas. Each brings a unique energy, and that diversity is wonderful, and the energy that a doula brings to the birthing space can greatly influence the atmosphere during labor. Some doulas exude vibrant, spirited energy, offering a coach-like presence that can uplift and invigorate you, providing motivation and encouragement when you need it most. On the other hand, some doulas offer a quieter, more grounding presence, which can provide a sense of calm and stability amid the intensity of labor. You can even have doulas who infuse spirituality, religion, cultural traditions and/or holistic intention into their practices. Ultimately, the key is to find a doula whose energy resonates best with you, as this connection can greatly enhance your sense of comfort and emotional well-being during one of life’s most transformative experiences.

Choosing a doula is much like dating—when you know, you know. It's not only okay but encouraged to meet several doulas before deciding. Sometimes, you'll instantly connect with someone; other times, it might take a few conversations. Don't settle for anything less than a presence that feels natural and allows you to exhale deeply.

4. Trusting Your Intuition

Most importantly, trust your inner guidance and gut feeling. If something feels off, acknowledge it and continue your search. You deserve to feel completely safe and unconditionally supported, and you'll recognize the right fit when you find it. It's not about the resume—it's about the relationship.

You are inviting someone into one of the most intimate and profound experiences of your life. Don't be pressured to choose based on other opinions or outside influences; rather, hone in on your motherly superpower: your intuition. Choose the person whose spirit feels like home, whose presence makes you feel secure and whose energy aligns with what you need most during your journey into motherhood.

5. Forming Your Forever Village

The ideal doula for your family will feel like a trusted friend and protector, someone you want by your side through every intimate moment of pregnancy, birth and postpartum. We encourage you to find someone who is community-focused and has strong connections with fellow trusted providers in the birth community, such as pelvic floor therapists, lactation consultants, chiropractors and more. This will allow you to feel supported beyond just the care she gives you, allowing you to focus on caring for your body and your baby. 

This special connection with your doula doesn’t end once your baby arrives or after the doula contract ends; it extends long after. As doulas, many of our most treasured relationships began in a birthing room or the intimate quarters of a postpartum mama’s bedroom and continue to flourish for many years to come. Our motto is “We start as clients and stay as friends.”

So if you’re currently expecting and you’ve just begun your doula search remember that the right doula for you goes beyond their certification credentials, she possesses the qualities of a confident advocate who will protect your birth, her energy feels aligned to you, your intuition feels called to her and she feels like a trusted lifelong friend. We have 17 uniquely wonderful doulas as part of our Soul Shine Birth community for you to explore, and if you’re local to Southern California, we invite you to learn more about each of them. We are grateful every day to do the work that we love, and we are honored to have the opportunity to work with you during your most treasured motherhood days!

In joy, love and gratitude,

Aurora Sullivan and Kelsey Scott, Soul Shine Birth Co-Founders, Birth and Postpartum Doulas